It’s a good thing they missed the fleshlight conversation.

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I worked a ten hour shift today and now my muscles are stuck in what I can only describe as the “ow” position. On the plus side, I did l learn exactly what customer’s faces look like when they walk through the door right as you yell “weird vagina” across the room at a coworker.
Hint : Hilarious. They look hilarious.
I have taken to doing tiny and nonsensical sketches at work on my lunch break, which is fun in an “I’m the weird chick drawing zombie bitches in the lunch room sort of way”.

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That’s all I’ve got for today. A better post this weekend, when I have more energy and less “make the owies go away”.

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And just like that, my dreams of owning my own petting zoo were dashed.

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Conversation with Aron after learning that one of our coworkers has a pet pig :

Me : It’s name is Pig Pig.

Aron : That’s a stupid name for a pig.

Me : I know, right? Obviously the best pig name is Bacon.

Aron : No, a good pig name would be Albert. Or Alfred. I can’t decide.

Me : What?! Those are people names. Not pig names.

Aron : Or Swines McGee.

Me : We are not naming our pig Swines McGee. Its name is bacon.

Aron : Wait, our pig? When did we decide that we’re getting a pig?

Me : Well, obviously we’re not getting one now if you think that Alfred is a good pig name.

Aron : Yeah, that’s why.

And now we can’t have a pet pig. Because Aron is unreasonable, and doesn’t know how to properly name a pig.

It’s like someone gave a unicorn free wifi and a lot of booze.

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So, a couple of months ago I suffered from what I like to think of as a “creative coma”. Others would probably refer to it as a “nervous breakdown”, but those people are bastards and should not be listened to. After a couple of months of moping and zero productivity, I’ve found a new (and infinitely less craptastic) job, and I’ve decided to resume blogging. Because any hobby that results in a senator blocking your email address so you can’t send them questions about pizza has to be a good one.
Look at that. One post down and almost no cursing or pointless metaphors about unicorns.
Mother. Fucker. I am an awesome blogger.